Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home--Ford Probe

by Chris Hafner on August 28, 2009

We are going to attempt ... time travel.

I am painfully aware of the fact that it has now been more than one month since the last entry in the Star Trek cars series--my attempt to tie the Hyundai Genesis sports coupe to Star Trek III. I deeply regret the delay--if I could get this post up earlier by taking a Klingon Bird of Prey around a local star to initiate time warp, I would.

A joke... is a story with a humorous climax.

Following the somber (though excellent) space opera of the previous two movies, filled with poignant losses, space battles, and themes of mortality, Star Trek went in a much more light-hearted and mainstream direction with Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. Or, as most people remember it, the one with the whales.

STIV might have proved a dramatic change of pace from the earlier movies, but it was still clearly Star Trek--its time-travel plot and goofy, cheerful energy captured the appeal of the original TV series. STIV didn't feature a clear-cut villain, or hyper-kinetic space battles, but its willingness to poke some fun at itself and its characters proved to be a powerful breath of air for the franchise.

Kirk didn't spend the movie locked in a struggle to the death with a super-villain; intead, he was struggling to properly incorporate "colorful metaphors" into his speech. Chekov wasn't under the thrall of a brain-sucking parasite; he was frantically searching for "nuclear wessels" and getting called a "Rooskie" (and worse) by a bemused Navy interrogator. Spock wasn't enduring death and resurrection; he was mind-melding with whales, silencing punk-rockers and being referred to as having done "too much LDS."

This combination of fish-out-of-water humor and the characters' natural chemistry proved a powerful elixir--STIV was a crossover hit and a box-office smash, and the mainstream success of the film helped launch the Star Trek: The Next Generation TV show. Perhaps the most telling indicator of its appeal is that STIV is the only Star Trek film that my wife will even consider watching with me.

Spock: To hunt a species to extinction is not logical.
Gillian: Who ever said the human race was logical?

Right around the time STIV was in production, Ford was considering taking its own iconic franchise in a dramatically new direction. The Mustang, of course, was famous as one of America's pre-eminent sporty cars, legendary for providing rear-wheel-drive V-8 thrills in an inexpensive package. That identity persisted through the dark days of the 1970s--even in Mustang II guise, the Mustang was available with optional V-8 power and testosterone-drenched muscle car plumage.

In the early-to-mid 1980s, however, a recent history of fuel shortages, a renewed emphasis on efficiency, and the emerging trend of automotive downsizing combined to make the rear-wheel-drive, V-8 formula look like an anachronism that would fade inevitably into the mists of history. At the same time, new technology promised similar performance from a smaller, front-wheel-drive, turbocharged car. Like the humpbacked whale featured in STIV, the traditional V-8 Mustang was an endangered species.

So, with its eye firmly on a brave new world of performance cars, and in partnership with Mazda, Ford began to develop a radically new Mustang. Slick, light, with front-wheel-drive and a turbo four, the new Mustang promised to bring the model's proud heritage up to date for the 1980s. Until, that is, the word got out and the backlash began. Mustang loyalists were not amused by the radical changes, they weren't shy about sharing their displeasure, and Ford quickly realized that it was in danger of killing the golden goose.

I have often tried to imagine the reaction in the Ford corporate offices when the completely predictable clouds of customer outrage began to appear on the horizon. The muscle car faithful didn't like the idea of a small, Mazda-developed, four-cylinder FWD hatchback replacing the traditional V-8 Mustang? Gosh, who could have seen that coming?

In any event, Ford executives belatedly caught on and decided to bring the new car out alongside the Mustang as a seperate model, named Probe in tribute to the manufacturer's line of early 1980s show cars.

Of course, history has proven that the RWD V-8 formula for performance cars was not in immediate danger of extinction; in fact, in recent years the pendulum has swung back towards RWD V-8 performance cars. Ford may have retained the traditional Mustang format only as a result of customer outcry, but it certainly worked out well--the V-8 Mustang has sold like hotcakes over the last two decades and has long outlived the Probe.

Still, Ford wasn't wrong--there was a huge market for smaller, lighter, front-wheel-drive turbocharged sports coupe, and by offering both the Mustang and the Probe, Ford was well-positioned to capture both the muscle car and sports coupe crowds.

It appears to be a probe, Captain. From an intelligence unknown to us.

When the Probe debuted in 1988, the flagship Probe GT immediately looked like a competitive offering in the sports coupe market. The sleek body came cladded with an aerodynamic body kit that looked so futuristic that tinsel-draped Probes were cast as 2015 model-year cars in Back to the Future II (alongside, interestingly, a modified BMW 6-series and the Pontiac Banshee show car).

The Probe's go-fast technology (a 145-horsepower turbocharged four-cylinder engine and adjustable sport shocks) was just right for the 1980s. The turbo was tuned for mid-range punch, so performance was strong--with a 0-60 time right around 7 seconds flat and a top speed north of 130 mph, the Probe was nearly as quick as its Mustang big brother. In 1993, Ford introduced the second-generation Probe, which replaced the strong but thrashy turbo four with a smoother and slightly more powerful V-6.

Both generations of Probe offered near-class-leading straight-line performance and handling, and, at $15-20K, it undercut its competition. It won Motor Trend's Car of the Year award and was honored by Car and Driver as one of its 10 Best Cars three times. The Probe was a good performer, a great bargain, and it sold well.

So why do I hate the Probe so much?

Because I .... HATE YOU! And I .... BERATE YOU! And I ... can't wait to get to you ...
And I ... ESCHEW YOU! And I ... say SCREW YOU! And I ... hope you're blue too.

STIV isn't my favorite of the Star Trek movies--it's entertaining, but it hasn't aged well and I find the overall premise ridiculous and the message a bit heavy-handed. But, even so, it's still a fun movie that I enjoy watching.

By contrast, I loathe, loathe the Probe. I always have loathed it. I'm not sure why, but I think of Probes as cheap, tacky, obvious and horrifically gauche. Why I feel that way about the Probe and not, say, the Merkur XR4Ti or Ford Thunderbird Turbo Coupe, I'm not sure. After all, I almost reflexively fawn over turbocharged hatchbacks, so why not the Probe?

Well, for one thing, I think both generations of the Probe were ugly. Actually, that's understating things a bit. In fact, I think both Probes had been brutally beaten with the ugly stick. The first Probe at least had some interesting futuristic lines and details that evoked the IMSA GTP Probe, but by the early 1990s the look had been cluttered with cheap-looking side sills, slatted air dams and spoilers.

The second-generation Probe, like the Mitsubishi 3000GT, managed to look both ugly and bland. It combined the dullness of the every-sports-coupe profile with soft, amorphous lines and a hideous front-end look that could be dubbed "plastic aggression." Compared to cars like the Mitsubishi Eclipse, Isuzu Impulse, and Volkswagen Scirocco and Corrado, the Probe looked like the kind of nightmare one might have after a night spent eating anchovy pizza and poring over cheesy mail-order body kit catalogs. It's a tragedy, considering the loveliness of its Mazda MX-6 cousin.

Then there's the name. Probe? Really? Setting aside for a moment the obvious proctology jokes, I still don't get it. The name doesn't have a great sound to it, and there are a lot of unpleasant or mundane sorts of probes. Even the coolest kind of probe, a space probe, isn't that cool. Who at Ford Corporate let that name through?

Even beyond the looks and the name, the Probe seemed so ordinary inside and out, like a cut-rate budget sports coupe without the special intangibles offered by its competition. The Mitsubishi Eclipse and Eagle Talon siblings had smoother turbocharged engines, optional all-wheel-drive, they looked better, and offered higher performance in a slicker package. The Honda Prelude and Acura Integra offered sharper handling, precise shifters, and screaming VTEC engines. The Isuzu Impulse, depending on the generation, was either gorgeous or high-tech and chunky. The Volkswagen Scirocco and Corrado offered Germanic precision, resolutely right-angled styling, and powertrains featuring either superchargers or the excellent VR6 V-6. The Subaru XT and XT6 were less capable but compellingly weird.

Had the Probe debuted in 1984 instead of 1988, I probably would have liked it better--its styling would have seemed fresher, and in those days its speed and technology would have made it a legitimate hero car. In 1988, though, the sports coupe market was ferocious, and the Probe was competing with much slicker pieces of machinery.

Gillian: Don't tell me, you're from outer space.
Kirk: No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in outer space.

>The patronizing smile that Gillian gives Kirk after that line is exactly how all of you should feel about my opinion on the Probe. As strong as my loathing is, I admit that it's irrational and probably dead-wrong.

The contemporary press loved the Probe; as I mentioned the Probe won Motor Trend's CoY and three Car and Driver 10 Best awards.

I have two C&D comparison tests from 1992, one including a first-gen turbo GT and the second including the second-gen V-6 GT. The first-gen, even at the end of its product cycle, was one of the top performers and finished mid-pack, ahead of the Impulse, Toyota Celica, and tied with the Corrado. The second-gen won its test outright, beating outthe heavy hitters of its day--the Prelude, MX-6, Eclipse, and Corrado VR6. C&D raved about the power of the turbo four, the smoothness of the V-6, and the precise handling offered by the second-gen GT. I have no answer to these observations from the contemporary experts, and I fully expect to get some comments from Probe lovers reading something like, "Double dumb-ass on you!"

The Probe provided copious speed and thrills for the dollar, and I'm sure plenty of people lust after it. I'm just not among them.

The first two Probe photos come from NWProbe.com, the red rear 3/4 shot is from a forum in which a user expresses an opinion similar to mine. The front shot of the overdone white Probe is from BlueCappro.com, and the final Probe shot is a press photo. The two STIV shots are screenshots from the movie, so photo credit probably needs to go to Paramount.

--Chris H.